Only Today

I'm starting to understand that song "Father God just for today, Help me walk your narrow way..." Everything I do here, I just try to take it one day at a time. It's easy to stay focused and to get stuff done that way. Life here doesn't seem so tragically overwhelming when I look at it through the scope of "just today."

I've started praying for God to just help me to have the victory for today. I'm starting to care less about tomorrow. Don't get me wrong, I'm still planning like all get out, but I'm not going to let it worry me so much anymore. Today is all I've been given. I ask myself, "What do I really want to do today?" There's a lot of things that come to mind and I say, "Can I do that today?" If it is plausible and ethical, then I'm going to try to do it today.

Tomorrow isn't guaranteed. If there is one thing that I learned from flipping in a car at 70 mph, it is that life isn't guaranteed. I was driving along thinking about how excited I was to go to Heather's house and then BAMMM I was swerving off the road and then the next thing I knew, the car was rolling. I remember rolling and thinking, "Crap, we're flipping. This isn't good." I don't remember anything else from my thoughts for the next few minutes because I was unconscious. It's funny to think that those could've been my last thoughts. My last words would've been "Oh S#$t". Yes, it's true. I was in fact swearing when the car started to swerve. Life is so fragile and in that fact, so is tomorrow. I feel like an emotional hippy writing this, but all we have is today. I still think we should be responsible for tomorrow, but today should definitely be made worthwhile because it is truly all we have.

And so my mantra is changing from the theme of quit thinking about what a perfect person I should be, right now, and just do what I can to be that kind of person for today. The ideal of what type of person I should be, shouldn't make me hate myself for today. All I can do is to ask God for the victory of today and then do what I can to see that victory accomplished.

Teaching

Today has been an interesting day for me. I have been busy for the past five hours recording scores, writing notes to students for the close of the quarter, and making lesson plans for next quarter. I've always thought that this would be the thing that I would dread most if I was to become a teacher, but I'm honestly enjoying making these lesson plans and getting all of my stuff organized. I'm realizing that I REALLY like to be organized! Most of the time I'm just to lazy to put forth the effort to arise to my perfectionist ideals as to how something should be organized, so I usually end up just winging it. The funny thing is that I am honestly enjoying getting doing this stuff! I will probably say that a few more times before I'm done writing this because I'm pretty darn shocked.

It's making me think more and more as to whether or not I want to be a teacher. I have never given teaching more of a consideration than I am right now. I love teaching in the classroom, especially when I'm prepared, and I find myself liking teaching more. The more classes that I teach, the better I want to be at what I'm teaching. I hate it when half my class isn't understanding something in Algebra and it gives me the incentive to really take the time to look over my lesson plans so I can help them get it.

I've always enjoyed people's company and talking, but if there is one where I thrive- it is when I can help somebody grow. I have had so many teachers who have shaped who I am and I in turn want to give back to society by helping shape kid's lives. I was a little bit unsure as to how to deal with these kids when I first got here because I wasn't sure of the culture. After about the 3rd or 4th week I realized that they are just kids and they have the same emotions, insecurities, and hormones flowing through them as every other high school student does.

When I was teaching the 9th grade Vocab class the other day I remembered the chaotic gamut of emotions when I was 15. I don't know why it came up, but when it did I just laughed to myself and suddenly all of my students looked so much different to me. The crazy Sudanese girl who is always so standoffish and straight up rude became a girl who is insecure and needs approval. The Egyptian boy, Shenouda, who is always disrupting my class turned into a kid who isn't getting enough attention at home and needs people to recognize him.

I'm realizing, as the time passes, that I'm becoming an important person to many of my students. I know that I have the power to shape them and mold them into better people. I see that I have the opportunity to help them become more self-assured. I have the chance to show them that there is someone who cares about them. I'm beginning to understand that teaching might be what I'm supposed to do with my life. As I'm writing this, there is a flood of thoughts and doubts running through my head of, "are you sure?!"

I've had many good teachers in my educational career and I can say that I've also learned what makes a good teacher and a bad teacher. I enjoy teaching and that is something that everyone of my good teachers had, they enjoyed what they taught. Often times a teacher will sometimes just enjoy the subject that they teach and they might not have the personality for it, but I think I have the personality of a teacher. I'm patient, creative, understanding, analytical, and sometimes I have a sense of humor.

I'm still quite a kid at heart and I think that is something that is needed to connect with kids. I think that is the most important thing a teacher does is to connect with their students. Two of my favorite profs at WWU were Gary Wiss and Tom Thompson. They were in their 70's, but they had they were still kids at heart. They were really hyperactive and I would've never guessed they were in their 70's if they hadn't told me so. They were happy because they were livning a truly fulfilled life. I feel pretty fulfilled being here. Maybe I am supposed to be a teacher... Time will tell all and one thing is for sure, this day will stand out in my memory as a day of an enlightenment. I've had an epiphany as to one of the things I KNOW that I'd like to do with my life.

Religion: Deciding the Way People Think Since Man's Existence?

I'm still trying to get to the top of one of the minarets here in Cairo, but the clerics are always pretty negative towards me. I guess I should've realized that one because newsflash, "I'm American!" Sometimes the loud speaker will go on about how one day they will crush the infidels (Israeli's and Americans) and it's interesting to me. Islam seems like such a pathetic thinking process, it discourages any understanding, and states that the people should only memorize the texts of the Qu'ran and then babble them off. Muslim means "one who submits", it seems more like "one who doesn't think". I've met some really good Muslim people so far and they, obviously, don't fit into this category. But I think Islam kind of prevents the culture from moving forward. How can you progress when the people are constantly being taught to NOT think for themselves?! It spreads to the whole culture, too. That's the sick part. Even the Christians in this country are affected by Islams cultural impact on the treatment of women, customs, etc. In Upper Egypt Orthodox women aren't allowed to go outside, unless they are with their husband. That's ridiculous! It isn't an Orthodox belief, but it is a Muslim belief and the Orthodox adhere to it. It won't change any time soon either because "why?" is a question that shouldn't be asked in Upper Egypt.

Egypt has been really good to me and for me. It has forced me to confront the way that I want to think and the beliefs I want to carry with me. People believe very strongly what they believe and they're zealous about it. Through conversations, I've discovered that many don't know why they believe what they believe, but their beliefs are very important to them. The culture demands people to treat their religion as their honor. They are Orthodox or Muslim because their family is Orthodox or Muslim. The honor of their family is important to them and so they follow their religion, well at least at face value, very closely. This ends up dwarfing personality and thinking, but it makes for a very committed, loyal, and pretty honorable person.

I want to be committed to a system of right and wrong, my family, and freedom in thinking. I've become a heck of a lot more patriotic by being here! The USA stands for these things, for the most part. So does the Adventist religion and so, once again, I feel that I've become more of an Adventist. Adventism, as a belief system, is the only religion that demands looking at the Bible honestly and to think about it legitimately. Since the Bible seems like the only book that is without holes, I want to adhere to it. I want to think and be open minded. To look at something and logically prove, or disprove, it. I've been reading up on Islam and it is like a bucket that has been 'lit up' by a fully automatic machine gun- it doesn't hold water! I believe the Adventist beliefs, but I definitely don't agree with the condition of the American Adventist Church. Adventism is dead in Egypt- there are MAYBE 250 Adventists in a country of 80 million people. I can see why though, if you convert to a new religion, then your family will usually kill you. That is in the Coptic religion and Islam! Students that come to NUA and want to convert to Adventism will wait until they leave Egypt to be baptized because they don't want their family to persecute, or kill, them.

Already, after two months, I am grateful for my family, my religion, and my country. Freedom is precious and oh so sweet. Be grateful.

Voting

I had the experience of a lifetime voting yesterday! Monte and I had decided that we were going to make the long two hour trip to the embassy to uphold our civil responsibility as US Citizens and so we left the school at 7:00am Eastern Time. It was a longer trip than usual because there were some issues on the metro with the train malfunctioning, so we had an extra long trip to get to the embassy. Finally, when our train arrived at the Sedat stop on the metro we jumped out and headed into the city to find the embassy. After consulting our map and arguing a little bit we found the embassy.

I would like to mention that the embassy wasn't what I expected. I was expecting a fortress with machine gun nests on top of towers and Marines with M-16's guarding the front gate. It wasn't that at all. The place was guarded by Egyptian soldiers, on the outside, and there were no intimidating towers that I could see. I think I've watched too many Hollywood movies in my lifetime and my expectations have been skewed.

We walked to the entrance of the embassy and said to the Egyptian guy waiting behind the booth that we wanted to vote. He replied, "you're too late, no vote for you." I will be honest that this upset me because it was clearly the 4th of November and last time I had checked that was when the voting was happening! So I replied trying to be polite, "I want to talk to an American about this. Where do I go?" He glared at me, I can understand why because he was insulted, and said, "go walk to the other gate."

So we trotted off to the other gate expecting to find Americans at the front, but once again we were disappointed by the sight of Egyptian staff. We asked where we were supposed to go to vote and they told us that the voting was over. We went through the same mantra and I asked, "where is an American?" They sent us further in the room and there was a Marine behind the desk and I said to myself, "FINALLY!"

We proceeded to go through the same process asking her if we could vote and she got on the phone to ask for instructions. After a few minutes she replied, "you can't vote, it is finished." At about this time a guy came up in his suit and walked right in front of us and said to the lady, while smacking his passport on the window, "I'm here to vote." She said the same thing to him that she had said to us and at this time I began to feel defeated. Then it all began.

The guy in the suit starting going off on her that "this is November 4th and today is voting day in America. This embassy is America and therefore the polls are open." She conceded and got on the phone again. This time she told us to go over to the place Monte and I had just been before.

So we walked over there, only to be greeted by our glaring Egyptian friend. I was thinking, "Oh great, it's the same guy." The guy said triumphantly to our suit wearing friend that the polls were closed and that we had to leave. Then the guy in the suit just went off on him that he had better get this situation taken care of or he was going to call CNN. The guy said, "Ok, ok I'll call the consulate." He got on the phone and then told us to go back to where we'd just come from. The guy in the suit said, "No. We just came from there. Get diplomat so and so on the phone, now."

At this point I was starting to wonder to myself, "who is this guy?!" I started asking him questions, while we waited, and it turned out that his name was Darryl John Kennedy. He has been a composer in Cairo for a few years and he knows a lot of the people in the embassy because they come to his concerts. Eventually the guy got off of the phone and said, "No, you can't vote." John said, "No we are going to vote, this embassy is America and the polls are open. Let me talk to him." Monte and I chimed in agreement.

The guy dialed the phone again and I think he actually called the ambassodor this time. He and John talked for a minute or two about "No, I can't do an absentee ballot. I travel all the time, what address will they send it to?....... Alright, thanks, please tell this guy to open the door and let us in." During this time another guy, Ahmed, an Egyptian who'd married an American and was now a citizen, came and joined our small party. At this point I was impressed, he had convinced the guy to let us in and now we were going to go vote.

We walked in, went through the security and walked to a room where we filled out our ballots. This was exciting for me, because it was my first time to vote and there was a spirit of comraderie between the four of us. We'd persevered through the beuaracracy that was denying us our right to vote and continued on. We got our ballots and helped each other fill out the sections we were unsure of by reading through the guidebook. We shared our pens between the four of us, because we only had three pens, and there was a sense of unity amongst us. We finished our voting and submitted our ballots.

As we walked away from the embassy there was a feeling of victory in the air. Our civic duty had been done and we had made our voices heard by a paper ballot. I knew that my vote wouldn't effect the electoral process because the President of the United States would be voted in long before my vote would arrive in the States, but it didn't matter to me. We had said, "No" to somebody who was trying to deny us our right to vote and had pressed on. I realize that they might not even send my vote, but, regardless, I am still a proud American citizen.

Ismailia

I visited Ismailia with my student George Samuel and I am going to have to say that it was a really good time. It was slow, VERY SLOW. We sat around and talked a lot. There wasn't too much activity and I think it was what I needed. I'm always going, going, going and rarely do I just stop and relax. I had a lot of time to think while I was there, I like to just ponder issues that go through my head and analyze what's happening in this country. Ismailia was a great place to do that. It is a city by the Suez Canal and is, in my opinion, a lot better than Cairo. Ismailia is moderate in size and isn't really crowded. Don't get me wrong there is still the rush of Egyptian traffic, but somehow there is a sense of peace in the place.

I think there are a few factors that contribute to this feeling. The first is that the sky is blue in Ismailia. Currently the sky in Cairo is still a dark gray because it is the notorious "Black October" in Cairo in which a massive cloud of smog covers the area- not particularly good air for exercise... The second is that Ismailia is quite clean. The third is that traffic is relitively organized and isn't chaotic as all get out. Finally, the Samuel family was the most hopitable group of people I have ever met in my life!

They started the whole weekend off by demanding that I shouldn't pay a piaster(penny) of my taxi fee to their home. I will be honest that this was really awkward, but it is one of those situations where I have to put aside what I know to be normal and accept the culture that is here. When I got to the home they had me sleep in the parents bed while the parents went and slept on the floor! It was unbelievable! I argued with them on this and refused at first, but the look of "do this or we will be very insulted!!" convinced me other wise. They fed me until I was about to explode and then told me to keep eating. They brought out tea for me all the time and of course I drank it to be polite, even though it made me "hopped up" on caffeine all day.

It was really hard for me to let these people do all this stuff for me. As I write this I almost feel kind of ashamed because it is so contrary to the way I think, but here in Egypt it is different. If you, as a guest, don't allow the host to do everything for you than you are insulting them. That is one of the beauties of coming to this country is that it has given me the chance to take a good look at my perceptions.

My thought process goes kind of like this lately, "Why do I do the things I do? They don't do it this way in Egypt. Hmmm... Now is your perception on this topic a good one or does it need revision?" This has been a tremendous opportunity for me. For those of you that supported me getting here, all I can say is thank you! I'm not only getting the chance to interact with these kids, but I'm also getting the opportunity to evaluate myself. Thank you!