Substituting

It is just one of those days... My day always starts out good, but things have the ability to really digress from there. I had a great workout with my comrade, Daniel, and the staff meeting wasn't too bad, but then things just kind of shifted from there.

I'm substituting two classes for one of the SM's this week because she is off traveling the country with her family and it has made things slightly stressful. I have three classes with my 10th graders and I'm not going to lie for one second that they are the class that takes the most energy. They are smart, talented, obnoxious, half are disrespectful, and most annoyingly they don't really care about too much. They love to push the limits as far as they can and test me constantly. I'm not going to deny that they are a giant pain in the butt at times.

Today was one of those times. I started by teaching them Physical Science (one of the classes I'm substituting) and the first they did was try to see if I would make them sit in their assigned seats. Naturally, I did and the whole usual river of crap started coming out of their mouths, "but Ms. Bethany lets us sit where we want." I replied, "Really? Wow, that's funny that she gave me a seating chart." Nothing, but silence.

Then I told them to start their homework and 1/4 of them came up to me and said, "We need to go get our books." I said, "OK but I have to mark you tardy." Then the river started flowing again, "But Ms. Bethany lets us go and get our books when we want." "Hmmm... that's a crazy coincidence guys, but it says on the substitute sheet that I should mark you tardy. Crazy! How did that happen guys?" Once again they shut up.

Then they started the homework and they said, "Mr. what are the assigned problems." I looked at my sub directions and found their were no assigned problems, FUN! Then there was a sentence beneath it, "they will know what problems to do, tell them it is the normal assignment." So I said confidently, "Do the normal assignment." Blank stares. "But Mr what is zhe assignment are we zuppozed to do?" (they always pronounce their th's and s's as zuhh's). Now is where the survival mode kicked in. Adapt, improvise, and overcome. So I looked at the book and chose a set of problems from the review that looked interesting to me and wrote them on the board.

They were quite for a time and did there work, but then the class started to wind down. So I said, "OK guys your assignments are due now." The river began again, "But Mr they aren't due until tomorrow." I checked the sheet and what did ya know, "Do at the end of class." I made a quick decision to let them keep them until tomorrow because I had no idea what the problem set was actually supposed to be like.

I look at this and think to myself that was a crappy day of classes. I've been pretty flippin' cranky throughout my classes because I'm tired of all the crap! That isn't how it should be though. They should not dictate my emotions or my actions. I want to be firm with them but at the same time I want to be personal and have the chance to connect with them. Time to reevaluate though....

The lesson I learned today:#1 If you are substituting or having a sub, then give exact directions!
#2- Don't let my students run me. I'm the Captain of this Ship! I got that from Tom Hewson, thanks Coach.

Controlling Anger

Today was, once again, another interesting day. I started my day off with the normal run in the morning and things were going pretty fine until staff meeting. We got there and started going over the normal topics and then the boys dean brought up the topic of one of the students, Simon, who has been staying with his brother in the villa next door because he broke his leg two months ago and he didn't want to have to make the daily two hour trip to the school with crutches. It turns out that Simon is also the most responsible kid in grade 10 and arguably one of the most responsible kids in the school. You can probably tell that, as a teacher, I love him.

So as the dean was going off on how he needed to go home, I interjected and said, "we should find a way for him to be here and what is the problem with him living there right now? He's a responsible kid and he's not causing any trouble living there."

The dean then brought up an off-topic argument, "well there are other students who want to live there and he shouldn't be allowed to." So I said, "well, we should at least make a spot for him in the dorm when we move another student there if we are going to kick him out of villa 3."

He then responded, "No we can't do that. I talked to him and he doesn't want to live in the dorms."

At this point I was getting mad, because he was clearly lying and was trying to deceive the principal into making Simon go home. I obviously didn't want that because I wouldn't want to travel four hours everyday and so I indignantly inquired of the dean, "When did he say that?"

He replied, "Oh... Just the other day." So I pressed him again and said, "When? Because I just talked to him yesterday and he said he REALLY wants to live here and has wanted to live here for awhile."

At this point the Principal interjected and stated that the students shouldn't be talking to me about this, but the dean or him. I was feeling pretty angry about this because I was just trying to make sure he didn't get unfairly sent back to being a day student. Dwight, the Principal, was right, the students should be talking to him about this.

The staff meeting ended shortly after and I sat there in the staff room ANGRY. I honestly felt like decking the dean in the face. I realized that if I didn't get a handle on my emotions then I was going to be angry and would probably lash out at one of my students. I remembered my Mom telling me that "It is your choice if you are going to be angry. You don't have to be angry. You are the only one who is in control of your emotions."

As the day went on, I'll be honest that at times it was really difficult to control my emotions. I found myself wanting to let my anger go on my students, but I had to keep reminding myself that it was my choice to be angry. Anger isn't a bad thing, but it is dangerous if it isn't controlled and channeled in the right direction.

I'm realizing that I have to get up the "kahuna's" and have a showdown with the dean one on one or I'm going to have animosity towards him. I know he will feel it, too, because I'm not very kind to people I GENUINELY dislike (and I'm getting there). I struggle to have and show respect for them. I don't want that because that will continue to make it an up-hill battle to control my anger every morning in staff meeting whenever he speaks and that will take our teaching team nowhere desirable. I can't let cowardice take hold by sitting idly on my anger, I have to solve the situation. Be that by decking him the face (kidding) or discussing the problem with him as grown men. "Be of good courage."

Speaking and Not Speaking

I had an interesting experience this weekend. I'm on the school's "Ministry Team" and we go on trips to the Adventist churches throughout Egypt. The trips are interesting, but they are always kind of awkward because I don't really know what to say at times. We usually spend the night at a locals house and it's not too bad there because I have the chance to talk with the people through one of the students.

I'm frustrated with the situation because the students always give me the, "oh come Mr. Eric, we don't want to translate for you." I'll be honest that it's a little bit offensive to me because I'm doing my best to show interest in these people and the students just have this attitude of "who cares" and then when I try to at least show my appreciation to our hosts they get upset with me for asking them to translate. So basically for this weekend I didn't really talk too much. The staff and the students alike talked to each other in Arabic 95% of the time. The 5% was when I would ask a question of them to be conversational and then they would reply with a brief answer. To be honest with you I felt kind of excluded this weekend. The team leader, Pastor Isaac, gave most of the information out in Arabic and I just kind of sat there going, "Huh?" The sermon was in Arabic and the Sabbath School was in Arabic. The Vespers was in Arabic. The jokes on the bus were in Arabic.

I guess when I look at the whole thing optimistically it really wasn't that bad of a weekend. I learned to be less concerned about having the pressure to show people I care about them by being conversational and for the first time in a VERY long time I just sat back and didn't say anything. I tried to start a conversation or two, but they would always end so I decided "OK" I'm going to learn to be comfortable with not talking. It was good for me! I picked up what I could from their conversations in Arabic to train myself to listen for the vocabulary and then I completely ignored everything and wrote in my journal. It was good for me to realize that I don't have to feel a lack of confidence if I'm not in charge of the pace of a conversation. I was at peace to just sit back and not take part. It was definitely a situation where I felt "out of my comfort zone" and it was a little bit painful at first, but then I just settled into it and relaxed. The world continued on without me intervening and keeping conversation going. It was really good, awkward at first, but still good.

It's funny to me, I feel as though there is a piece of my extroverted side dying as I think about the course of this weekend. I think it comes down to I know I that I can usually carry a conversation confidently, but can I just sit back and not do anything and still feel confident? I don't have to be the conversationalist to be confident. This is a new concept for me because all of the people I've looked up to have always been such conversationalists, but they were also OK with themselves when they weren't talking. I haven't really realized this until now. I don't have to be included in a conversation to feel confident and I don't have to control a conversation to feel comfortable. Ah, life is good and, even though I'm getting fed up with Egyptians, being in Egypt is good.