Yesterday, I was sitting in the staff room making lesson plans for a my Algebra class three weeks from now. Yes, in all honesty, I am bragging because I'm never organized beyond 40 minutes in advance for a class. Anyways, as I was making my lesson plans, Marian Nady (one of the Egyptian staff who graduated last year and is my same age) came up and said, "Eric!!! Let's go eat!" I had already eaten breakfast an hour earlier and I wasn't hungry, but I'm always up for eating.
We went into the cafeteria and there was the girl's dean, the cafeteria ladies, Medhat and a feast waiting for us to eat. In Egypt, you usually have a lot of bread and then stuff to eat on your bread for meals. You don't eat eggs on their own or lentils on their own. You eat them with bread, and lots of it. It makes meals a lot of fun, because you dip your bread into the food and share bread with each other. It's a really social time.
As I was sitting there eating, they were all talking in Arabic, for the most part, because the "cafeteria ladies" don't speak any English. I could hardly understand anything that was being said, but I was having a lot of fun just being with all of them. I didn't like the "cafeteria ladies" when I first got here because they were really controlling with me about how much food they'd give me at lunch or they wouldn't let me eat at breakfast if I came late. I took this all really personally at first, but I just quit letting it bother me and made sure I said "THANKS" after each meal. It's funny how I've never had a conversation with any of them, but I feel like I know them because I've had so much time to watch and observe the way they interact with people.
I'm going to miss the meals here. I'm going to miss a lot of things about this place. I've got 13 weeks left and it will all be but a memory that has defined my life in so many ways. To be cheesy and so corny, I'm going to leave it on a note that I'm going to "eat it all up" while I still can. Only 13 weeks to go.
Takin' It Easy at Karnak
Welcome to my blog
Friday, February 27, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Prayer
I've had some experiences with prayer recently that are altering my whole view on the idea of prayer. I used to think to myself, "Oh crap, I guess I should probably go and pray to God today because that is what's necessary to become a better person," but things are different lately and I'm glad. That way of thinking is not only a load of religious stupidity, but it is also wrong. I've finally realized that it honestly doesn't matter how good I become in this lifetime because I'm still going to miss perfection by a long-shot.
The other day I was about to start class with a short prayer before we jumped into the lesson, but I decided that I'd do things differently. I told the students to just take a few minutes to talk to God and tell Him what was on their minds. While they prayed, or just sat there, I seriously begged God silently for the strength and patience to deal with my students for the day. It was a shift from what I'm usually asking for in prayer, generally, I ask for the strength to do this and that, but this time I was asking it to be what my students needed for the day.
I will be forthright with saying that there are a lot of kids at this school that have REALLY MESSED UP histories. Some of the Sudanese students have seen their parents shot in front of them, many of the Egyptian boys haven't seen their fathers in years since they are off working in Kuwait, a shocking amount of the Sudanese girls have been raped, and many of the Egyptian girls are treated as inferiors in their home. As you can tell from the descriptions of these students that they've had it rough and when it comes down to it they need to be loved. I will be honest and say that it's hard to love a kid that is openly disrespectful, even if he has had it rough. That is why I seriously ask God to work through me to be what these kids need.
It has made my "prayer life" a lot more enjoyable because FINALLY it isn't such a selfish motion to go through. I'm not asking God to make me patient so I'll be a "nice guy" but because they legitimately NEED somebody to be patient. I can't even begin to understand the feelings of pain and chaos many of them go through and so I'm going to ask God to be what they need for the day.
I also had a good experience of praying with the boy's dean today. I don't really get along with him very well because we disagree on a lot of things, but the one thing that remains the same is that we want to help the students. I prayed with him today for some of the students that are struggling and even though it was only a few minutes; I feel like it changed things between us. It made me realize that, YES, he does care about the students and we're working towards the same goal- even though I couldn't understand what he was praying!
The concept of prayer is finally starting to make a bit of sense to me.
The other day I was about to start class with a short prayer before we jumped into the lesson, but I decided that I'd do things differently. I told the students to just take a few minutes to talk to God and tell Him what was on their minds. While they prayed, or just sat there, I seriously begged God silently for the strength and patience to deal with my students for the day. It was a shift from what I'm usually asking for in prayer, generally, I ask for the strength to do this and that, but this time I was asking it to be what my students needed for the day.
I will be forthright with saying that there are a lot of kids at this school that have REALLY MESSED UP histories. Some of the Sudanese students have seen their parents shot in front of them, many of the Egyptian boys haven't seen their fathers in years since they are off working in Kuwait, a shocking amount of the Sudanese girls have been raped, and many of the Egyptian girls are treated as inferiors in their home. As you can tell from the descriptions of these students that they've had it rough and when it comes down to it they need to be loved. I will be honest and say that it's hard to love a kid that is openly disrespectful, even if he has had it rough. That is why I seriously ask God to work through me to be what these kids need.
It has made my "prayer life" a lot more enjoyable because FINALLY it isn't such a selfish motion to go through. I'm not asking God to make me patient so I'll be a "nice guy" but because they legitimately NEED somebody to be patient. I can't even begin to understand the feelings of pain and chaos many of them go through and so I'm going to ask God to be what they need for the day.
I also had a good experience of praying with the boy's dean today. I don't really get along with him very well because we disagree on a lot of things, but the one thing that remains the same is that we want to help the students. I prayed with him today for some of the students that are struggling and even though it was only a few minutes; I feel like it changed things between us. It made me realize that, YES, he does care about the students and we're working towards the same goal- even though I couldn't understand what he was praying!
The concept of prayer is finally starting to make a bit of sense to me.
Monday, February 23, 2009
A Hard Day
I'm not sure why today is such a particularly hard day, but it is just one of those days I guess. I life at myself almost everyday because I'm still a bit of an "emotional roller coaster." Last time I checked I'm still not a 13 year old girl, but sometimes I really do feel like one! I guess today would be one of those times.
I keep going through two different phases. I'm really stoked when I'm interacting with my kids and I can feel that I'm actually doing some good, but then there are the times when I start to think of home and my friends. I was chatting with some of my friends on line and I was thinking to myself, "I just want to see them!!!" Which is ridiculous because I know that in all reality there is nowhere in the world that I would rather be than right here. I'm learning about myself and I'm growing from my change of pace, but man it kind of sucks at times. I guess I just miss the people that are so important to me.
I know that when I go back it will be the same thing about at the six month time period of my return I will be thinking, "Wow, I wish I was back at NUA doing a fulfilling job and really having the opportunity to mentor!" I think probably one of the most important things for me to realize is that it doesn't matter where I am to enjoy life. I utterly love being here most of the time and then there are those other times when I just want to get away from the craziness of love deprived, desperate, and confused kids. I love it when I've got the strength to be there for them, but then there are the times like today that I just feel like I have nothing to offer them other than a "QUIT TALKING and PAY ATTENTION!" Maybe a sense of order and stability is what they need, but I get so sick of the disrespect.
I had a thought the other day how funny it is to me that nearly 85% of my students are within a year or two of my age and I'm in charge of them. I think that is one of the things that really gets me down is when I take it personally with the disrespect. I can't do that! So what if they're my age, they don't know it, and they see me as "the teacher" not "their buddy" even though I make so much effort to connect with many of them one on one. I guess that is a hard part of doing this whole "teacher business" because the ball game of being in control of the relationship is so much different. There are a lot of obstacles to overcome when connecting with these kids. I have to be an authoritarian, but still have the sensitivity and care to be a mentor. It completely alters my method of dealing with people! That statement doesn't do it justice, it rocks my world of dealing with people!!
The good days come and go, so I guess I will be grateful for the good times that I've had and I will just move forward and push through the day. Who cares if my emotions are a little out of whack, I've got to keep going! I'm in control of this day, nobody else- not my students, not the principal, not the staff I disagree with- only me. I'm going to take charge of today! Bible class here we come!!! Wooooooohoooooooooooooo!
I keep going through two different phases. I'm really stoked when I'm interacting with my kids and I can feel that I'm actually doing some good, but then there are the times when I start to think of home and my friends. I was chatting with some of my friends on line and I was thinking to myself, "I just want to see them!!!" Which is ridiculous because I know that in all reality there is nowhere in the world that I would rather be than right here. I'm learning about myself and I'm growing from my change of pace, but man it kind of sucks at times. I guess I just miss the people that are so important to me.
I know that when I go back it will be the same thing about at the six month time period of my return I will be thinking, "Wow, I wish I was back at NUA doing a fulfilling job and really having the opportunity to mentor!" I think probably one of the most important things for me to realize is that it doesn't matter where I am to enjoy life. I utterly love being here most of the time and then there are those other times when I just want to get away from the craziness of love deprived, desperate, and confused kids. I love it when I've got the strength to be there for them, but then there are the times like today that I just feel like I have nothing to offer them other than a "QUIT TALKING and PAY ATTENTION!" Maybe a sense of order and stability is what they need, but I get so sick of the disrespect.
I had a thought the other day how funny it is to me that nearly 85% of my students are within a year or two of my age and I'm in charge of them. I think that is one of the things that really gets me down is when I take it personally with the disrespect. I can't do that! So what if they're my age, they don't know it, and they see me as "the teacher" not "their buddy" even though I make so much effort to connect with many of them one on one. I guess that is a hard part of doing this whole "teacher business" because the ball game of being in control of the relationship is so much different. There are a lot of obstacles to overcome when connecting with these kids. I have to be an authoritarian, but still have the sensitivity and care to be a mentor. It completely alters my method of dealing with people! That statement doesn't do it justice, it rocks my world of dealing with people!!
The good days come and go, so I guess I will be grateful for the good times that I've had and I will just move forward and push through the day. Who cares if my emotions are a little out of whack, I've got to keep going! I'm in control of this day, nobody else- not my students, not the principal, not the staff I disagree with- only me. I'm going to take charge of today! Bible class here we come!!! Wooooooohoooooooooooooo!
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Random Experiences
These are random experiences that have happened during my time here, but I never wrote them down and they are quite memorable.
-We were in a huge hurry to get to vespers one night and we had just moved into villa 4, but we still didn't have a key. So we were standing outside the door talking about going and getting the key from Mr. Dwight when "BAMMMMMMMMMM!!!" I didn't get to see it in full view, but out of the corner of my eye I saw Daniel kicking in the door. Beautiful. I was jealous of him then and I regret to say that I am still jealous of him now!
-After every staff meeting Monte and I make a point of going out into the town to buy a Berill. It is our way of making a tradition of "celebrating the guts to stand for freedom" because usually some of the local staff have some pretty outrageous ideas of how to run the school. Monte and I always stand behind Mr. Dwight because he is hands down one of the wisest guys I know! Anyways, we go out and get our Berill's and then make a toast to "freedom and liberty." It's a great tradition.
-Ever since Christmas Break, Monte and I have made a tradition that we go and eat pancakes, eggs, and potatoes on top of our villa roof after we teach PE on Friday mornings. It's a really relaxing time for us to just talk about life, the experiences that we're having, and our thoughts on the stuff we go through with our students. I think it is one of the things I'll miss most about Egypt when I leave.
-I've got this song that has become my theme song being here "Live to Win" by Paul Stanley and every time Monte or I plays it in the villa- we belt the song out as loud and obnoxiously as we can. I have really grown attached to that song, I've got to admit it.
-One time I slept in and Monte threw one of our cats, Bigfoot, on me and I woke up to the feeling of these claws on my face. In a blind panic I ripped the cat off of me and threw it because I had no idea what it was, but the thing was that I threw it over on Daniel and then Daniel woke up really angry and threw the cat against the wall. Monte was laughing so hard! That poor little cat, it has been through a lot...
-One morning I was sitting around in my boxers, checking my email, and Miguel (the guy from Spain) comes up to me with this completely stoic, sincere expression on his face and asks me, "Do you mind if I ask you a question?" I replied, "Ya, go for it." Then he says to me, "Why do you always walk around in your underwear?..." I don't know why it was so funny to me, maybe it was because he was so honestly wondering, but I started laughing so hard!! It was just something I would have never thought of as being different, because to me there's nothing wrong with walking around in your boxers at home. I'm guessing, ONLY GUESSING, that it is slightly different in Miguel's home!
-Finally, one time after I had just finished up helping the student's at study hall I was walking back to our villa when the need to use the bathroom came upon me. I figured- "Well there is a tree right here and I might as well water it!" I just finished up giving the tree the sweet nourishment that it needed for survival and I turned around to see the girl's dean walking by!!! I won't deny that is the most embarrassed I have been in a long time. I said, "I'm so sorry!!" She just waved her hand across her face- embarrassed as I was, laughed, said- "Mish mushkilla (no problem)," and kept walking. Needless to say, I'm a lot more cautious when I choose a tree to nourish!
-We were in a huge hurry to get to vespers one night and we had just moved into villa 4, but we still didn't have a key. So we were standing outside the door talking about going and getting the key from Mr. Dwight when "BAMMMMMMMMMM!!!" I didn't get to see it in full view, but out of the corner of my eye I saw Daniel kicking in the door. Beautiful. I was jealous of him then and I regret to say that I am still jealous of him now!
-After every staff meeting Monte and I make a point of going out into the town to buy a Berill. It is our way of making a tradition of "celebrating the guts to stand for freedom" because usually some of the local staff have some pretty outrageous ideas of how to run the school. Monte and I always stand behind Mr. Dwight because he is hands down one of the wisest guys I know! Anyways, we go out and get our Berill's and then make a toast to "freedom and liberty." It's a great tradition.
-Ever since Christmas Break, Monte and I have made a tradition that we go and eat pancakes, eggs, and potatoes on top of our villa roof after we teach PE on Friday mornings. It's a really relaxing time for us to just talk about life, the experiences that we're having, and our thoughts on the stuff we go through with our students. I think it is one of the things I'll miss most about Egypt when I leave.
-I've got this song that has become my theme song being here "Live to Win" by Paul Stanley and every time Monte or I plays it in the villa- we belt the song out as loud and obnoxiously as we can. I have really grown attached to that song, I've got to admit it.
-One time I slept in and Monte threw one of our cats, Bigfoot, on me and I woke up to the feeling of these claws on my face. In a blind panic I ripped the cat off of me and threw it because I had no idea what it was, but the thing was that I threw it over on Daniel and then Daniel woke up really angry and threw the cat against the wall. Monte was laughing so hard! That poor little cat, it has been through a lot...
-One morning I was sitting around in my boxers, checking my email, and Miguel (the guy from Spain) comes up to me with this completely stoic, sincere expression on his face and asks me, "Do you mind if I ask you a question?" I replied, "Ya, go for it." Then he says to me, "Why do you always walk around in your underwear?..." I don't know why it was so funny to me, maybe it was because he was so honestly wondering, but I started laughing so hard!! It was just something I would have never thought of as being different, because to me there's nothing wrong with walking around in your boxers at home. I'm guessing, ONLY GUESSING, that it is slightly different in Miguel's home!
-Finally, one time after I had just finished up helping the student's at study hall I was walking back to our villa when the need to use the bathroom came upon me. I figured- "Well there is a tree right here and I might as well water it!" I just finished up giving the tree the sweet nourishment that it needed for survival and I turned around to see the girl's dean walking by!!! I won't deny that is the most embarrassed I have been in a long time. I said, "I'm so sorry!!" She just waved her hand across her face- embarrassed as I was, laughed, said- "Mish mushkilla (no problem)," and kept walking. Needless to say, I'm a lot more cautious when I choose a tree to nourish!
Work
I've got to say that there are few things in life that are fulfilling as working hard. Over the past few days I've been working my butt off and they've been some of the best days that I've had in awhile. Thursday I ended up waking up late and went straight to the Ad Building at 6:50am and I didn't finish up my work at the school until 8:20pm. It was a particularly busy day because I gave out tests to all four of my classes and so I had to grade all of them to have them ready for class Sunday. At first I was dreading the idea of having to get all of the work done, but once I got started on it- things just started to flow.
I would do class preps in between my classes and then the grading started during my lunch break. After I worked through my lunch, the day just kind of melded into one mass of grading. I definitely know that I need to quit giving so many essay questions to my History class, but back to what I was saying! I was getting really agitated as the day went on, but I had a break from the grading to go and teach a class a 4:00 and it was the PERFECT break.
I wasn't looking forward to going to the class because the period before I'd done something that I never wanted to happen- I took a nap and I didn't wake up until the class had been over for two hours! I knew that I needed to tell the class why I wasn't there and once again I didn't really feel like admitting my mistake. It turned out being great, none of them tried to hold it over me that I'd missed the class or give me a bunch of trouble about it. They just laughed, said, "That's OK Mr!" and the class was just fun from there.
When I finished that class, I went back to the staff room and put my "nose to the grinder" and worked straight through until 8:20. I won't deny for a second that it felt great to be done. It was something that I could have put off, but I didn't and I feel that I "earned" my right to relax this weekend- even though I worked pretty hard on Friday, too.
Monte, Daniel and I ended up working like animals to get the villa cleaned up. I cleaned the bathroom for the first time since we've moved into villa 4 and arguably scrubbed down the shower for the first time in its life. It took me two hours of scrubbing, scrubbing, and more SCRUBBING to get the place clean, but when I finished the place honestly looked brand new. The tiles were all nice and shiny, the shower didn't look like somebody had painted a white bath tub brown anymore and the toilet was no longer coated with a brown glaze beneath the water. I stepped back when I was done and I smiled because I knew that I'd basically remodeled the bathroom. Now when I walk in there, I smile each time because the place is glowing and my work got the job done.
I don't know exactly when my psyche got reversed to feel so obligated to get work done, but I'm glad my "software is getting reprogrammed." There are far too many fulfilling things in life that I know I'm going to miss if I'm always trying to just get by and do what it takes to get the job done. Life with all of its daily work, difficulties, and demands included, is GOOD!
I would do class preps in between my classes and then the grading started during my lunch break. After I worked through my lunch, the day just kind of melded into one mass of grading. I definitely know that I need to quit giving so many essay questions to my History class, but back to what I was saying! I was getting really agitated as the day went on, but I had a break from the grading to go and teach a class a 4:00 and it was the PERFECT break.
I wasn't looking forward to going to the class because the period before I'd done something that I never wanted to happen- I took a nap and I didn't wake up until the class had been over for two hours! I knew that I needed to tell the class why I wasn't there and once again I didn't really feel like admitting my mistake. It turned out being great, none of them tried to hold it over me that I'd missed the class or give me a bunch of trouble about it. They just laughed, said, "That's OK Mr!" and the class was just fun from there.
When I finished that class, I went back to the staff room and put my "nose to the grinder" and worked straight through until 8:20. I won't deny for a second that it felt great to be done. It was something that I could have put off, but I didn't and I feel that I "earned" my right to relax this weekend- even though I worked pretty hard on Friday, too.
Monte, Daniel and I ended up working like animals to get the villa cleaned up. I cleaned the bathroom for the first time since we've moved into villa 4 and arguably scrubbed down the shower for the first time in its life. It took me two hours of scrubbing, scrubbing, and more SCRUBBING to get the place clean, but when I finished the place honestly looked brand new. The tiles were all nice and shiny, the shower didn't look like somebody had painted a white bath tub brown anymore and the toilet was no longer coated with a brown glaze beneath the water. I stepped back when I was done and I smiled because I knew that I'd basically remodeled the bathroom. Now when I walk in there, I smile each time because the place is glowing and my work got the job done.
I don't know exactly when my psyche got reversed to feel so obligated to get work done, but I'm glad my "software is getting reprogrammed." There are far too many fulfilling things in life that I know I'm going to miss if I'm always trying to just get by and do what it takes to get the job done. Life with all of its daily work, difficulties, and demands included, is GOOD!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Valentines Day
Today is another one of those holidays that is a big event back home, but it is just another day here. I woke up this morning, saw my watch, and the thought hit me- "It's Valentines Day!"
I've been pondering Valentines over the past few moments and I've come to the conclusion that I still don't like Valentines Day! I feel immature saying that because how can you not like Valentines Day?! It is a day that you show others how much you love them! It has always been such a big day for me to pursue a girl or do something romantic, but I just don't care about the day. I always joke with my students when they complain about homework that, "I don't care because I have no heart and I have no soul, so why are they still whining." I'm starting to believe my own words.
It's not that I have something against telling people that you love them, but it is that it often feels like an insincere holiday. It has often been that way for me- buying chocolates, flowers, or Teddy Bears to do my "relationship duties", but it has always just seemed like an obligation. I want to be a person who is genuinely loving to other people, not because I want something in return, but because I want be a positive influence in that person's life.
I've come to the conclusion, one that I hope I can retain, that all in life is meaningless with the exception of a few things. First, is that life isn't meaningless if I'm trying to mirror a God who is powerful, accepting, true, and PERFECT. Second, life isn't meaningless if I am living life for someone other than myself because that is what I truly believe the character of God to be. God isn't some being that is judgmental and angry at me because I'm so imperfect. He is somebody who "came so that we might live more ABUNDANTLY."
I want my Valentines to be a reminder that I choose to follow God not because I want to go to heaven, be saved, be so devout, or some crap like that. I want to follow my God because He is who I want to be more like. I used to be always driven to God out of obligation, like my "relationship duties" on V-Day, but I'm tired of that mentality- it's decapitating!! I don't want to be "obligated" to Him, because, in my experience, things that are done out of obligation are rarely loving. In all reality, I don't think God wants me to be obligated to Him either, where is the fun in that!?!
I want to legitimately love God, forget obligation! I can follow something that, soul-deep, I love it. So on V-Day, I wish you all a Happy Valentine's Day because there is a Guy who loves each of us so deeply that our frivolous understandings of love can't even compare to the kind of fulfillment that He offers. I'd like to have some of that!! Happy Valentines Day :)
I've been pondering Valentines over the past few moments and I've come to the conclusion that I still don't like Valentines Day! I feel immature saying that because how can you not like Valentines Day?! It is a day that you show others how much you love them! It has always been such a big day for me to pursue a girl or do something romantic, but I just don't care about the day. I always joke with my students when they complain about homework that, "I don't care because I have no heart and I have no soul, so why are they still whining." I'm starting to believe my own words.
It's not that I have something against telling people that you love them, but it is that it often feels like an insincere holiday. It has often been that way for me- buying chocolates, flowers, or Teddy Bears to do my "relationship duties", but it has always just seemed like an obligation. I want to be a person who is genuinely loving to other people, not because I want something in return, but because I want be a positive influence in that person's life.
I've come to the conclusion, one that I hope I can retain, that all in life is meaningless with the exception of a few things. First, is that life isn't meaningless if I'm trying to mirror a God who is powerful, accepting, true, and PERFECT. Second, life isn't meaningless if I am living life for someone other than myself because that is what I truly believe the character of God to be. God isn't some being that is judgmental and angry at me because I'm so imperfect. He is somebody who "came so that we might live more ABUNDANTLY."
I want my Valentines to be a reminder that I choose to follow God not because I want to go to heaven, be saved, be so devout, or some crap like that. I want to follow my God because He is who I want to be more like. I used to be always driven to God out of obligation, like my "relationship duties" on V-Day, but I'm tired of that mentality- it's decapitating!! I don't want to be "obligated" to Him, because, in my experience, things that are done out of obligation are rarely loving. In all reality, I don't think God wants me to be obligated to Him either, where is the fun in that!?!
I want to legitimately love God, forget obligation! I can follow something that, soul-deep, I love it. So on V-Day, I wish you all a Happy Valentine's Day because there is a Guy who loves each of us so deeply that our frivolous understandings of love can't even compare to the kind of fulfillment that He offers. I'd like to have some of that!! Happy Valentines Day :)
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Blur
I'm in that time of the year where the days just fly bye. I've just finished up my classes for the day and I'm asking myself "WHERE DID THE WEEK GO?!" and at the same time I'm so glad tomorrow is Thursday. Thursday night is the equivalent of a Saturday night in the US because there aren't any classes on Friday, except PE. The days are flying! I'm pretty amazed about it honestly!
I'm beginning to realize that I'm going to be on board a plane on my way home in no time. I have mixed feelings when I think about that. In the aspect of missing my family, friends, mountains, swimming, cleanliness, and what has been normal to me for my whole life- I cannot wait to get out of here. Although, it's a bittersweet because this place has become "normal" for me. My time here has helped me further my understanding of who I am, the things that truly make me thrive, and a standard of beliefs that make sense to me.
I've had the chance to "give back" this year. I feel that so much has been given to me and this year has been an opportunity to continue the cycle. One of my coaches, Jim Nash, told me something I will never forget, "Eric, whatever you decide to do with your life, don't compromise yourself and give back." I've always kept my coach's words with me because they make sense to me.
My only problem was that I didn't know what they meant. I hadn't figured out my convictions, to prevent myself compromising, and I didn't have the mentality to give back. The past five months, as of today, I've had the opportunity to figure out my convictions and give back. I've learned so much here and I know it is the time that I will look back on as defining who I am.
I'm still here though and I'm only half-way done, but I know that time will continue to fly. I'm just going to keep soaking it up, do my best to leave nothing behind and let God lead.
I'm beginning to realize that I'm going to be on board a plane on my way home in no time. I have mixed feelings when I think about that. In the aspect of missing my family, friends, mountains, swimming, cleanliness, and what has been normal to me for my whole life- I cannot wait to get out of here. Although, it's a bittersweet because this place has become "normal" for me. My time here has helped me further my understanding of who I am, the things that truly make me thrive, and a standard of beliefs that make sense to me.
I've had the chance to "give back" this year. I feel that so much has been given to me and this year has been an opportunity to continue the cycle. One of my coaches, Jim Nash, told me something I will never forget, "Eric, whatever you decide to do with your life, don't compromise yourself and give back." I've always kept my coach's words with me because they make sense to me.
My only problem was that I didn't know what they meant. I hadn't figured out my convictions, to prevent myself compromising, and I didn't have the mentality to give back. The past five months, as of today, I've had the opportunity to figure out my convictions and give back. I've learned so much here and I know it is the time that I will look back on as defining who I am.
I'm still here though and I'm only half-way done, but I know that time will continue to fly. I'm just going to keep soaking it up, do my best to leave nothing behind and let God lead.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Exercising
I have to say that there are few things that make me happier than exercising. I just finished lifting weights with my two amigos, Daniel and Monte, and I just feel good about life. I always feel great when I'm finished exercising. I feel accomplished, happy, and sore. Those three make quite a killer combination for me.
I've come to a good realization being here. In times past I used to look at exercising as an obligation to get strong for my sport or a way to look good, but those aren't my reasons anymore. It is funny because I've been intensively exercising since I was in 6th grade and I now finally realized this. I have no obligation to get "buff" because I couldn't care less. I like being active because it makes me feel good. I like the feeling of getting a good workout. It isn't an obligation, it is a simple pleasure that I've got the opportunity to do daily.
It is ironic that I came here to teach, but honestly I think I've been more of a student here. I've learned a lot about life and, especially, about myself. I've come to enjoy the simple things in life and truly just soak them up. Everyday here is tough, in one way or another, but I think this is what life is about. The obstacles have made me realize the smaller things in life that I really enjoy- such as exercising.
I know I've said this before, but thank you so much to those of you that supported me and got me here! I know I will look back on this time as one of the defining points in my life, definitely the greatest yet. Thank you for giving me this opportunity.
I've come to a good realization being here. In times past I used to look at exercising as an obligation to get strong for my sport or a way to look good, but those aren't my reasons anymore. It is funny because I've been intensively exercising since I was in 6th grade and I now finally realized this. I have no obligation to get "buff" because I couldn't care less. I like being active because it makes me feel good. I like the feeling of getting a good workout. It isn't an obligation, it is a simple pleasure that I've got the opportunity to do daily.
It is ironic that I came here to teach, but honestly I think I've been more of a student here. I've learned a lot about life and, especially, about myself. I've come to enjoy the simple things in life and truly just soak them up. Everyday here is tough, in one way or another, but I think this is what life is about. The obstacles have made me realize the smaller things in life that I really enjoy- such as exercising.
I know I've said this before, but thank you so much to those of you that supported me and got me here! I know I will look back on this time as one of the defining points in my life, definitely the greatest yet. Thank you for giving me this opportunity.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Bad Influence
There is something to be said for responsibility. I came to understand a new point of leadership tonight, but before I talk about it I will fill in the details.
A few days ago I had just finished up teaching my 11th grade class about the Battle of Marathon, the Battle of Thermopylae, the Battle of Salamis, and the Battle of Plataea. I had decided that a movie would be a good thing to give them at this point so why not show them some of the clips of 300!?! That's a great idea, right?! Wrong.
I cut out a lot of the stuff that happened in the movie, but still there really isn't much to 300 than blood and fighting. One of my students told me that she couldn't sleep the night before because the of the fighting in the movie. She is an exaggerator by nature, but still there is an element of truth in every extravagantly told story.
The following day after the movie, I apologized to my class for the stuff in the movie. The guys yelled and hollered about how they wanted to see the rest and the girls gave me a nod or a "that's ok Mr." I decided that since the guys didn't get to see all of their movie I might as well show them an action movie back at my house. Hey another great idea, right?! Wrong.
I feel like I was the epitome of that verse in Proverbs tonight- "Just as a dog returns to its vomit, so one man returns to his foolish acts." At first I was going to show them a relatively innocent film- "Transformers"- but then one of the SM's suggested we watch "Equilibrium" instead. I'd seen "Equilibrium" before and I knew that there were some intense scenes in the movie, i.e. the hero chops another guy's head in half. You'd think that would have been warning enough for me, but NO I decided to show it anyways.
This was an interesting experience for me. I know why I showed it. I gave into my friend and my two students that wanted to watch a killing movie. The rest didn't really care and were more in favor of a comedy, but since I'm closer to the two students and my friend, I didn't want to make them upset by choosing something else. Although, I knew that it wouldn't be good to show them this movie. I knew it.
There were a few key lessons I learned from this:
1. Don't make promises you are unsure that you want to keep.
2. When I know that something can be harmful then I have to put my foot down and make the right choice. This is the true form of leadership. I'm not trying to "toot my own horn" but I am the unspoken leader of the villa. They look to me to be the decision maker, even though I look to Daniel because he is the oldest and he has been here for two years.
3. I, and only I, can make my decisions. They wanted to watch a movie that I knew wasn't the best. I was in charge and so it was my responsibility to make sure everything was "kosher".
Anyways, we started watching the movie and we were about 1/3 of the way through when some of the 9th graders came in with Miguel. I wasn't too opposed to the 11th graders watching it, but the 9th graders it is something different. The Egyptian students aren't NEARLY as desensitized to violence as American kids are. It doesn't even bother me if a guy gets his head chopped off and a spear jammed through his butt in a movie. I'm used to it.
So these guys start sitting down to watch and my head was screaming at me, "JUST TURN IT OFF!" I didn't have the balls to stand up and make a choice. About half way through the movie Dwight came in and he came in at the worst possible seen in the movie. The guy in the movie is beating the crap out of a ton of henchmen and blood is flying everywhere. In complete definition of the word, I felt ashamed. It didn't bother me so much that Dwight was seeing this, but that his presence was an blunt amplification of what I was already feeling. Dwight told Daniel to make sure they were all in bed in the next hour and walked away. Dwight had put the responsibility on Daniel, but I knew it belonged to me.
About 15 minutes later, I finally got my kahunas together. I stood up, walked over to the projector, and turned off the movie. I apologized to them for showing them this crap in my house and that in a few weeks I would make it up to them by showing them a decent movie. Two of them really wanted to finish the movie, but I feel like the rest agreed with me. They got up said, "Thanks" and even one of them said, "I used to watch stuff like this, but I don't anymore. Thanks for stopping it."
After the students left the house I did something I didn't really ever see myself doing. I deleted all my trash movies. If I can't show my students this stuff, then how can I watch it myself and not be a two-faced fake? Dwight called Daniel to make sure the students had gone home and Daniel told him that we had stopped the movie. I apologized to Dwight for showing them the movie and I'm never going to forget what he said- "That's alright. In the future let's avoid stuff like this, but for now we'll just leave it as an experience."
That's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going to leave it as an experience that I can learn from and use it as food to feed my growth because that is all I can do.
A few days ago I had just finished up teaching my 11th grade class about the Battle of Marathon, the Battle of Thermopylae, the Battle of Salamis, and the Battle of Plataea. I had decided that a movie would be a good thing to give them at this point so why not show them some of the clips of 300!?! That's a great idea, right?! Wrong.
I cut out a lot of the stuff that happened in the movie, but still there really isn't much to 300 than blood and fighting. One of my students told me that she couldn't sleep the night before because the of the fighting in the movie. She is an exaggerator by nature, but still there is an element of truth in every extravagantly told story.
The following day after the movie, I apologized to my class for the stuff in the movie. The guys yelled and hollered about how they wanted to see the rest and the girls gave me a nod or a "that's ok Mr." I decided that since the guys didn't get to see all of their movie I might as well show them an action movie back at my house. Hey another great idea, right?! Wrong.
I feel like I was the epitome of that verse in Proverbs tonight- "Just as a dog returns to its vomit, so one man returns to his foolish acts." At first I was going to show them a relatively innocent film- "Transformers"- but then one of the SM's suggested we watch "Equilibrium" instead. I'd seen "Equilibrium" before and I knew that there were some intense scenes in the movie, i.e. the hero chops another guy's head in half. You'd think that would have been warning enough for me, but NO I decided to show it anyways.
This was an interesting experience for me. I know why I showed it. I gave into my friend and my two students that wanted to watch a killing movie. The rest didn't really care and were more in favor of a comedy, but since I'm closer to the two students and my friend, I didn't want to make them upset by choosing something else. Although, I knew that it wouldn't be good to show them this movie. I knew it.
There were a few key lessons I learned from this:
1. Don't make promises you are unsure that you want to keep.
2. When I know that something can be harmful then I have to put my foot down and make the right choice. This is the true form of leadership. I'm not trying to "toot my own horn" but I am the unspoken leader of the villa. They look to me to be the decision maker, even though I look to Daniel because he is the oldest and he has been here for two years.
3. I, and only I, can make my decisions. They wanted to watch a movie that I knew wasn't the best. I was in charge and so it was my responsibility to make sure everything was "kosher".
Anyways, we started watching the movie and we were about 1/3 of the way through when some of the 9th graders came in with Miguel. I wasn't too opposed to the 11th graders watching it, but the 9th graders it is something different. The Egyptian students aren't NEARLY as desensitized to violence as American kids are. It doesn't even bother me if a guy gets his head chopped off and a spear jammed through his butt in a movie. I'm used to it.
So these guys start sitting down to watch and my head was screaming at me, "JUST TURN IT OFF!" I didn't have the balls to stand up and make a choice. About half way through the movie Dwight came in and he came in at the worst possible seen in the movie. The guy in the movie is beating the crap out of a ton of henchmen and blood is flying everywhere. In complete definition of the word, I felt ashamed. It didn't bother me so much that Dwight was seeing this, but that his presence was an blunt amplification of what I was already feeling. Dwight told Daniel to make sure they were all in bed in the next hour and walked away. Dwight had put the responsibility on Daniel, but I knew it belonged to me.
About 15 minutes later, I finally got my kahunas together. I stood up, walked over to the projector, and turned off the movie. I apologized to them for showing them this crap in my house and that in a few weeks I would make it up to them by showing them a decent movie. Two of them really wanted to finish the movie, but I feel like the rest agreed with me. They got up said, "Thanks" and even one of them said, "I used to watch stuff like this, but I don't anymore. Thanks for stopping it."
After the students left the house I did something I didn't really ever see myself doing. I deleted all my trash movies. If I can't show my students this stuff, then how can I watch it myself and not be a two-faced fake? Dwight called Daniel to make sure the students had gone home and Daniel told him that we had stopped the movie. I apologized to Dwight for showing them the movie and I'm never going to forget what he said- "That's alright. In the future let's avoid stuff like this, but for now we'll just leave it as an experience."
That's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going to leave it as an experience that I can learn from and use it as food to feed my growth because that is all I can do.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Failure
I hate making mistakes, I hate it.
Today was a day that I finally made a huge mistake in teaching my Algebra I class. The idea of making a mistake while teaching a math class was one of the things that haunted me when I heard that I would be teaching math classes. I was teaching inequalities today and I made a big mistake in one of my operations that I was showing them on the board. I don't think that it would have been a big mistake, but it ended up being one because it was at the end of class. I didn't have the time to clarify the truth with them and now I feel like a retard.
I've taken these classes before and all the way up to Calculus III, but I still doubt myself in Algebra I! I don't know why I let myself get so easily rattled when I teach this class... It is going to be difficult to say to my students tomorrow, "I made a big mistake teaching you guys how to solve an easy problem yesterday." After I say that, I'm curious how they will react. I'm sure there will be the kids that are failing that will use it as fuel to justify there cheating behavior and lack of effort this quarter. Some might not even care. Others probably won't even notice.
The biggest problem is that I screwed up on something that I'm supposed to be an expert at. I have always been my biggest critic and I hate it when I screw up. Such is life and I know what I need to do to fix the situation, I just don't want to admit that I'm wrong. I laugh at myself, I feel like such a child saying that, but that is really what it comes down to. I don't want to admit my mistake.
This will be good for me.
Today was a day that I finally made a huge mistake in teaching my Algebra I class. The idea of making a mistake while teaching a math class was one of the things that haunted me when I heard that I would be teaching math classes. I was teaching inequalities today and I made a big mistake in one of my operations that I was showing them on the board. I don't think that it would have been a big mistake, but it ended up being one because it was at the end of class. I didn't have the time to clarify the truth with them and now I feel like a retard.
I've taken these classes before and all the way up to Calculus III, but I still doubt myself in Algebra I! I don't know why I let myself get so easily rattled when I teach this class... It is going to be difficult to say to my students tomorrow, "I made a big mistake teaching you guys how to solve an easy problem yesterday." After I say that, I'm curious how they will react. I'm sure there will be the kids that are failing that will use it as fuel to justify there cheating behavior and lack of effort this quarter. Some might not even care. Others probably won't even notice.
The biggest problem is that I screwed up on something that I'm supposed to be an expert at. I have always been my biggest critic and I hate it when I screw up. Such is life and I know what I need to do to fix the situation, I just don't want to admit that I'm wrong. I laugh at myself, I feel like such a child saying that, but that is really what it comes down to. I don't want to admit my mistake.
This will be good for me.
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