Losing

There is something to be said for losing. Have you ever been involved in something and you work hard for it? You do your best and you strive for greatness, but you just don’t get what you want? This was the story of the school basketball tournament.

It all started out when the teams were “chosen” aka “selected” by a group of four of the students. They got together before the tournament started and divided up the teams the way they wanted them to be. They each picked their favorite players that they liked to play with and then gave the rest to Monte’s Team. This would have been fair if Monte had a choice in who he wanted on his team, but there was no choice they just said, “The teams were picked and here are the people on your team.” Monte and I had been playing together in the mornings and we wanted to be on the same team, but they had put me on a kid’s team that everybody calls “50.” He actually does look a lot like 50 Cent in all honesty…

Anyways, it wasn’t fair to begin with and so I told Monte that they should make sure the teams were actually not selected, but picked. He didn’t want to make a fuss about it because he isn’t a very “confrontational type guy” and so he just went to 50 and asked him if he could trade his best player for me. Naturally, this was a terrible idea because before this tournament I could hardly even dribble! The player Monte wanted to trade is a really good player, so naturally, 50 obliged.

So now, let me describe what is left on our team. We have Gonjowk, a 14 year old boy who played basketball for the first time in his life one month ago. We have Jerald, a super star soccer player who tried basketball for the first time in his life about a month and a half ago. Then we have Wajkir, a kid who can shoot alright, but can’t really dribble. Then there is Nahid, a girl who complains if you don’t pass her the ball a lot, even though she can’t catch it, and has a really negative attitude. Then there is me, “Mr. I Swam in High School” and never really developed his basketball skills. Finally, there is Monte a guy who played in high school and was a killer post, but also can’t really dribble. There’s our team.

Now let me describe the basic gist of every other team. Every team has at least three kids that play regularly here at school and then there is us.
We played our first game and got completely demolished by 50’s team because it was made up of 7 guys who play regularly. We played really hard and got it to where they only beat us by 20 points, but still we got rocked. I took on the position of the team leader because I had the most energy and tried to encourage them as they walked off of the court with their heads bowed. It didn’t do much because we had made a ton of mistakes during our game and were straight up laughed at by the students watching.

Monte and I decided we’d have a team dinner and so we had our team over. They came, we had a great time, and the bonding began to start happening. It didn’t matter so much anymore that we’d gotten our butts kicked because we had a great time together and the game was over.
The next game came along and, once again, we lost, but only by nine. We played hard and got to the point where we were working together alright, but we couldn’t beat the ability of the other team because they could actually score; even though we were an offensive juggernaut. This time we didn’t have a team dinner because we didn’t have the time and it also just seemed like the students were too discouraged. Monte and I were pretty pissed off about it because the teams were chosen so unfairly. We both don’t really like to lose. At this point I was thinking about how Monte had screwed everything up by not being aggressive about choosing teams, but I let it go because “let the dead past deal with its own dead” to quote my good buddy Dickinson!

The 3rd Game came around and this time the game was CLOSE! We started to really start to work together and reach the point of where we could play together as a team, but I’m going to call the excuse that most sore losers call- the Refs. This tournament was pretty much bogus on the end of fouls. There was no limit to how much you could foul and there were no free throws, just a pass from out-of-bounds. We ended up losing by only six because they literally fouled us so many times in the last two minutes that they ran down the clock. We had a team dinner and had a great time once again. Monte and I made great food and I promised them ice cream if we won, but decided to buy ice cream anyways.

The final game came today in which we played another team that had lost all of their
games, but not because they have a bad team. The team captain is one of those guys that is a serious ball hog and they had no team chemistry; just a bunch of individuals. I was stoked going into this game because I knew this was our chance.
The game started out pretty good and the score was even, we were playing pretty well, but one of the other SM’s started getting really mad at me during the game and was telling me to not touch him- IT’S A GAME OF CONTACT! I kept right along defending him, but he started throwing elbows and just straight up pushing me. I wasn’t too worried about it because I’m a lot bigger than he is and I was still winning the ball so I wasn’t worried about it. The game progressed and it began to get pretty rough, the other SM straight up pushed Gonjowk for defending him and the guys on the other team were playing really rough with our team girl.

The score stayed close until the last quarter. They started just making every shot that they would throw up and half of the students stopped playing defense. I rolled my ankle in the last six minutes, again, but kept playing anyways. We ended up losing the game by 14 points and that was it.

I walked off the court just straight up pissed! I wanted to play another quarter, I was still ready to go, but it was over. A lot of the kids watching rubbed it in our faces that we’d lost, I just said, “Ya, they played well and walked away.”
The other team was made up of 7 guys who knew how to play and then there was our team. We didn’t know how to play, but dang we were playing hard! I’m not used to losing, but there is only so much you can do. I high fived my team and said, “We did great guys. We played hard.” I was feeling the same way they were, angry, but it was over.

Losing is something that is never easy- especially when things seem so unfair. I can walk away from this proud though. I went from making four points in the first game to making 18 points in our last game and I know that each one of the students on the team gained more confidence in themselves from it. They can actually play basketball now! I will end with a quote I read one time and truly do hold dear, “A man can learn more from one defeat then a thousand victories.”

Worn

Today is one of those days that I am just straight up beat down. I’m tired and I’m pretty darn impatient with my students. I’m so glad that I’m finished with my classes, oh wow, I am glad I am finished. I’m to a point where I’m trying not to get so annoyed with them, but I’m just tired of asking the same people to be quiet and then being nice to them. I just want to look at them and say, “You are an idiot, you keep talking and I really feel so little respect for you because you give so little respect to me back.” Of course I can never say this because I don’t want to hurt my students… I make such an effort to show respect to my students, but at the same time I ask myself, “Why am I even doing this? They just take my kindness as an invitation to take advantage of me.” At the same time, I can’t really complain and say THEY so much because it is only a small group of kids that does this, but at the same time I just add it all together and let it overwhelm me.

I think I just need to sleep. I’m getting frustrated about things that I usually turn into opportunities to bond with my students. For instance today one of my students, Kuny Andrew, comes up to me with a scarf in her hand and says, “Mr. is this yours?” as she is laughing away. I have been missing my scarf for two weeks! Evidently, she decided it would be funny to steal my scarf while I went to grab something during their study hall and it was WHILE I WAS HELPING HER!!! I looked at her with straight up malice in my eyes. I was missing my sandals a week ago because she also figured that it would be funny to hide my sandals from me and then a week later give them back.

Come to think of it, even though this was an opportunity to joke around- I’m just sick of my stuff being messed with period. Egyptian’s that stay with us use my towel, all of the guys, except Miguel, use my soap and shampoo, Somebody- I don’t know who- is eating my beef jerky, and finally another Somebody keeps taking my pens out of my box. Since I haven’t being selfish with my stuff or my time I feel like the guys in my villa just want to take advantage of it. When we first moved into the villa I wasn’t clean, but Someone complained that we needed to pick up after ourselves and I decided that he was right. Now, I clean up after Someone more often than not! I’m almost always the one that is initiating getting stuff done. I feel like a parent, “Ok guys, let’s go and get this cleaned up as a group.” It’s gotten to the point where I honestly feel like I’m the only one that takes action, it’s stupid. All of these things are TRIVIAL, but they build up and I’m ready to go ape!

I need to rest and that is exactly what I’m going to do. I’ve busted my butt to be on top of my lesson plans and now I’m going to leave the pile of history papers sitting by my computer. It’s clear my head time!

Fight

A few weeks ago a fight broke out between a few boys. The fight developed because one of the boys, Romany, threw a volleyball behind him and it hit another kid in the head. The kid that got hit in the head, Bassam, turned around and assumed that it was a guy that he had been arguing with earlier, Abanoub Dief. Bassam yelled at Abanoub and said, "I'm going to tear this ball." Abanoub is a joker of sorts and said, "You can't tear it, not you and your whole family." Bassam's cousin and brother were nearby and heard this. In a few moments they went into a wild rage because they were so offended about the insult Abanoub had made on their family. First of all there was yelling and then eventually they started chasing after him. The fight got stopped when one of the seniors came out with a stick, yelling, and telling them to get in their room.

Things went back to normal when suddenly Bassam, his cousin, and brother came bursting out of the dorm with sticks and a five or six pound sharp rock. They started chasing after Abanoub as one of the staff members tried to get Abanoub to run away. To make a long story short this went on for a few minutes. They ended up pursuing and it took about 15 guys grabbing them and carrying them back to the dorm to keep them from assaulting Abanoub.

It's funny to me how things can escalate in the mind that anger takes over completely and all clear rationale goes out the door. I talked with Maged, Bassam's cousin later, and he openly admitted that he was so angry that he was planning on smashing Abanoub's head in with the large rock that he was carrying. Maged is a really good student and, for the most part, a good kid, but he just got carried away in his anger. The idea of how things would have been different if he hadn't been stopped is crazy to me. I'm just glad things were contained.

Anger is an interesting thing to me. It completely tears down any piece of rationale if it isn't controlled, there's some text in Proverbs that always pops up in my head when I'm finding myself getting really ticked, "A man who gives full vent to his anger is a fool."

Being a Complainer

Today, I'm just sick of it. I listen to kids complain every day and now I'm going to be the complainer. I laugh at how childish I feel for doing this, but there's just so much junk that's going on.

Here are the things that I'm tired of:
1. I'm tired of taking the blame for things that I didn't do.

2. I'm tired of Monte and I being the only ones in the villa that initiate clean up.

3. I'm tired of being nice to people. I honestly feel like giving some people the middle finger today, I really do. The idea of stooping to these native's level is SO INVITING and nearly intoxicating.

4. I'm tired of all the expectations that I'm starting to set for myself.

5. I'm tired of moochers. I hate it when I'm generous and then people just walk on me- what is that!? I can't judge too harshly because I am also guilty of doing this at times, maybe that is why it makes me so mad.

6. I'm tired of the utter ridiculousness of the Upper Egyptian culture. The whole idea of how everything is centered around honor and reputation is a breeding ground for arrogance without merit, cockiness without confidence, and, most importantly, fake people who are obsessed with making themselves appear devout.

7. I'm tired of students trying to convince me to give them less homework, I give them homework so they won't fail my tests.

8. I'm tired of my students acting like it is my responsibility to bend over backwards for them. I don't understand why it is that if I am blatantly caring, then they are so manipulative with me. That is the tragedy of teaching, really it is. I care about these kids and I want the best for them, but there are those that will just try to exploit me all day long because they see somebody who cares as weak. It's such a "catch-22"... To care or not to care? I can't take things personally.

9. I'm tired of feeling obligated to listen to one of the crazy, psycho woman here that is ALWAYS finding the bad in everything. I just want to tell her, "Life is good, there doesn't always have to be fault in things and you sure as hell don't have to point it out!"

10. I'm tired of feeling bad for myself. I'm tired of complaining about this stuff. I'm not going to be like the crazy psycho woman. The time has come for me to get off of my soap box and make it happen. I'm in control of this day.