Distrust

I realize that for the past two weeks I don't trust:
-God
-A few friends
-Many of my students
-Some of the local staff
-Some of my roommates
-Anyone in Egypt trying to sell me something
-Even my pet cat
-And the list goes on...

It has been a really long time since I've written on this blog. There have been days when I have something that I think "wow! I've got to write about this on my blog" but then I just lose my taste to do anything. In all honesty, I think I've been pretty depressed over the past two weeks. I wasn't too sure why I was so down for the past little while, but I've finally realized it now that my Spring Break is here and life is slowing down. It's funny to me how when life becomes so busy that the most obvious answers become so elusive.

This week has been the 2nd longest week that I've had in Egypt. The 1st longest week was when I first got here. That week was crazy for me because time just stood still. I couldn't sleep at night and was getting about two hours of sleep. I remember just laying in bed thinking to myself, "Am I going to become a sleep insomniac?" Anyways, I'm digressing from the point that I'm trying to make- this week has been long, REALLY long. As of today, I am finally on vacation and now I can just think about last week.

Last week I was distrustful of almost everybody. I know my problem with a frienda has tripped it off and I think that the situation I have with my students makes it pretty easy to get into this state of mind. The teacher-student relationship is an awkward one because unless a student has an immense amount of courage to face his/her mistake they will blame it on the teacher and therefore seek to show the teacher how wrong he was. Many of my students often try to take advantage of me and it is so aggravating. Even the ones that I think to myself, "Ya, I've established a good connection with that one. He won't try to manipulate me." and then he ends up trying to pull a fast one on me.

Up until the past two weeks, I was pretty much over my feelings of betrayal by students, but the problems with my friend just tripped it off. I took so many things way too personally this week- it was ridiculous! If a kid acted up at all, then I hammered him.

I was edgy with other staff members, too. I have a hard time trusting a few of the staff members here because I don't understand them... AT ALL! It's hard to not just let myself assume the worst. Assuming the worst never leads anywhere worthwhile...

I'm glad it's break, I'm going to take the time to process what's going on.